Kittymomma's Adventures

I had so many good times with the kids during what I now know were the last few weeks of Lucy’s life.

They played with a dollhouse together at Terra Toys on her last Monday.

They had a picnic together in the Super Yard after they both had accidents in the living room.

They crashed trains together on her last morning. Lucy gave one of her rare laughs the first time Max crashed Diesel 10 through the other trains.

And my sweet boy will not remember any of it. He will be doubly robbed, both of the sibling and playmate I so wanted him to have and the memories that sustain a connection after death.

That has been one of my biggest fears since Lucy became sick and now it is one of my biggest sorrows. Max will not remember his sister. We will tell him stories and he will see pictures. But he will not actually remember her. He loves her so much. He misses her so much right now and doesn’t understand what it means when we tell him she died. He was so happy to have a baby sister. He doesn’t understand why we let strangers carry her out the front door and not bring her back. I am hoping tomorrow will help him to understand or have some closure.

The fact is, he will understand in time, but he will forget her. And that breaks my heart. All of it breaks my heart.