New Frontiers

I anticipated writing less after Scarlett’s birth. I figured it would be due to lack of time and that is certainly a factor. I didn’t count on not knowing what to write about or not even having the brain power to organize my thoughts coherently. For the past few days, writing on my blog didn’t even cross my mind, which shocked and worried me a little.

I started this blog in 2008, but only wrote on it very sporadically until Lucy died. Prioritizing tasks and making good use of my time were never my strong suits, but I finally learned after her death. I made her a promise and am still determined to keep it.

But the form of that kept promise might have to change. I grow weary of the essays about my feelings. Maybe they just aren’t as necessary. That might be a good sign. Regardless, I feel the need to stretch my wings and sharpen other writing skills. I want to write actual stories or delve into topics. Maybe even see if I can turn the everyday into humor and inspiration as other mom bloggers do.

I’m not saying I won’t still share my feelings here or try to turn this blog into something more once I have more time. However, I think I am advancing to a new place in my life, grief, and writing and I am excited to see where it goes. I promised Lucy I would live for the both of us and I’ll never stop trying to do that.

It sounds like Scarlett is awake, so that’s all for today, folks. 

Holding Hands with a Ghost

As I drift between sleep and waking, I feel her again.

She stands next to the bed, looking at me. That is always the time she chooses to visit me. Rarely during sleep, but on the edge of it.

Her face looks different. Rather than solemnity or sadness, it exudes contentment and peace.

We reach for each other. My larger hand envelops her smaller one. The bumpy, delicate outline of her fingers and palm is so familiar. She inherited those long fingers from me.

I serenely drift off to sleep. In the morning, I remember and smile. A glow fills my heart.

I was finally brave enough to reach for her hand.

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