First letter to Baby Farmer

Dear Baby-to-be,

Well, kiddo, we’ve almost made it to the halfway point. In a few days (five), we will know if you are a boy or a girl. I am so excited I can hardly stand it. I cannot wait to see you on the ultrasound screen again, to pick out a name, and decorate a nursery. To just get to know you a tiny bit better. Despite the fact that you are with me all the time, you are such a mystery. A delightful mystery.

As I type this, I am watching “Anne of Green Gables” – my favorite movie based on my favorite book. Whatever your gender, I look forward to sharing both with you someday. In fact, I’m planning on seeing if I can get your big brother to watch some of it when he gets up from his nap.

I am looking forward to introducing you to your family. There are a lot of people waiting to meet you. You have a mommy (Obviously.), a daddy, and an older brother Max. You also have two cats, Angus and Fort. You have two sets of grandparents, three aunts, four uncles, and eight cousins, not to mention a whole host of other relatives. You even have three great-grandmothers.

We’re already weathering some storms together, including a nasty attack of sciatica that is probably not going to go away before you are born.

You are worth every bit of it, baby. I feel so bonded to you already and I think we need to give your big brother some credit for that. I know what it’s like to be a mom already, because I am one. So, I already feel like your mother and I am so excited and proud to have two babies to call my own.

As I mentioned before, you are a mystery. I have been going crazy waiting to find out your gender, but I have treasured this time of just loving you, free from any other knowledge or expectations. I know very little about you. The only contact we have had has consisted of the few precious times I’ve heard your heartbeat and the few, fluttering, nudgy movements I’ve felt the last few weeks. I feel like I know you, though. The pure essence of you. Your soul. I just know and love you, because you are you and you are mine. That’s all. That’s all I need.

I will always love you unconditionally. And I will love you more and more as I get to know you,which is why I am so ready to take this next step and find out more about you. To see you on that ultrasound screen again and see how much you’ve grown since the last one. I will always love you no matter what and that love will grow, but it will never again be quite as pure and uncomplicated as it is now. It will be better, albeit different, and I am ready to accept this change and get to know and love the complex person that you are – one new piece of information at a time.

I cannot wait to meet you, sweetheart. I cannot wait to see how you and your brother are alike and how you are different. I can’t believe I have the privilege of bringing another life in to this world. Whatever else you are, I know you will be wonderful – your own, unique kind of wonderful.

See you soon.

Love, Mommy

Your first picture! (10 week ultrasound)

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