Day in the life of a mommy

September 9, 2009 at 5:54 am (Babies, Family, Motherhood, Parenting, Relationships, television)

7:30 a.m. Wonderful husband bottle-feeds son, so I can get some extra sleep after my horrendous Saturday night.

7:35 a.m. Realize that my Mommy radar won’t let me sleep when the baby is awake and in the immediate vicinity.

7:45 a.m.-ish Go back to sleep with baby after he has been duly fed and burped.

11:30 a.m. Awaken next to squirming baby. Rush in to bathroom to test milk on Milkscreen to make sure glass of wine consumed 12 hours ago is safely out of bloodstream.

11:32 a.m. Rush now-screaming baby in to be changed after Milkscreen’s thumbs-up.

11:35 a.m. Am now feeding baby, who falls asleep after one side. Right boob, which has not been feed or pumped off of in over 12 hours starts to pulse  ominously.

Noon: Place smiling, giggling, but totally uninterested in eating and relieving Mommy’s discomfort baby in swing. Silently curse the Fates for making me have to put him in the swing when he’s happy, yet deal with him when he’s screaming his bloody head off. Realize will have to pump while having breakfast.

12:05 p.m.: Find pumping equipment still dirty in sink and vitamin container empty. Breakfast moving farther away.

12:30 p.m.: Finally start making breakfast after cleaning pump, filling cats’ water bowls and disseminating Fancy Feast and about a thousand cat treats. Hear Nature calling just as toast pops up.

12: 40 p.m.: Finish spreading soupy butter on room temperature toast.

12:45 p.m. Realize all of my nursing and baby paraphernalia still need to be moved from bedroom to living room in case the baby wakes up hungry or cat plops itself on my lap, rendering me unable to move.

1:20 p.m. Finally sit down to breakfast. Baby starts to stir. Start wondering whether to pump or wait.

1:30 p.m. Baby asleep. Must pump before boob explodes and obliterates Tokyo with typhoon of breast milk.

1:40 p.m. Crisis averted. Tokyo safe.

2:20 p.m. Baby awake. Finished all of breakfast except yogurt. Place yogurt on mantel to protect from cats. Change and nurse baby.

3 p.m. Tummy time.

3:30 p.m. Try to place baby in bouncy seat, so can pick out husband’s birthday present. Baby suddenly hates bouncy seat.

4 p.m. Discover all birthday ideas are not available until after birthday.

4:30 p.m. Baby asleep in swing. Rush to finally dress and brush teeth and hair.

4:45 p.m. Eat lunch.

5:20 p.m. Change and nurse baby.

5:45 p.m. Attack poor, unsuspecting husband for being late and calling while my phone was in the back and I couldn’t answer it (due to nursing).

6 p.m. Make up with husband after we catch each other smiling at Friends.

7 p.m. Eat dinner from Baby Greens, watch season premiere of 90210.

8 p.m. Nurse baby, watch series premiere of Melrose Place. Already looking forward to next week. Good sign.

8:45 p.m. Discover yogurt still on mantel.

10 p.m. Shower.

11 p.m. Nurse baby.

12:30 Blog, eat ice cream, go to bed. Start all over again tomorrow.

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Awkward parenting dialogue

September 9, 2009 at 5:35 am (Babies, Relationships)

Me: I think the batteries are out in his (our son’s) monkey mobile. What kind does it take?

Husband: It takes wind-up batteries.

Me before I notice smirk spreading across husband’s face: Really? There’s such a thing as wind-up batteries … ooookay. I get it. (In pitiful tone.) Don’t make fun of me like that. (Thinking in not-so-pitiful tone.) The postpartum reunion just got postponed indefinitely, smart ass.

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Insani-tea

September 9, 2009 at 5:27 am (Babies, Sleep)

I could not sleep all night on Saturday. At first, I thought I couldn’t sleep because my husband had the gall to fall asleep while I had to stay up nursing and I got really, really mad at him. However, I realized even I couldn’t get mad enough to stay awake for hours when I am exhausted from caring for a newborn. Then, I remembered it. The English Teatime I had consumed with my mother after 9 p.m. Normally, I would never do that, but I was so exhausted that I was certain it would never be able to keep me awake. I am here to tell you that it did. I was awake all night Saturday, not because my baby was awake (He slept like an angel, of course. A snorting, snuffling, sighing, farting angel, but an angel nonetheless.), but because I consumed too much caffeine too late at night. Is there such a thing as too much caffeine in a new mom’s world? I’m afraid so, especially when you chase it with a bowl of Bluebell Homemade Vanilla and Hershey’s syrup.

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Baby cute

September 3, 2009 at 4:20 am (Babies, Family, Motherhood, Pregnancy)

My husband asked me to post a cute, innocuous entry, because he wants to tell his sisters about my blog and he was afraid they would wonder why he wanted them to look at it right after my last, rather explicit, post. I probably do need a post where I don’t talk about bodily functions, but, as I’m sure many of you know, you spend most of your time dealing with those as a new mom, so they are always on your mind.

However, the second thing foremost on my mind is how cute my baby is and now much I adore him. He is, quite simply, the cutest baby ever. Despite the fact that he has all of my facial features and yet still manages to look like my husband. Which everyone points out. My husband is very handsome, but I carried the baby for forty-one and a half weeks and spent 12 hours birthing him. And he has MY features!! Grrr.

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Adventures in postpartum birth control

September 3, 2009 at 4:14 am (Babies, Birth control, Etiquette, Yoga)

A lot of people (namely men) probably don’t know this, but vaginas can belch. I don’t know of a better word to describe it. It’s different from passing gas, because you aren’t. I can personally attest to the fact that inversions in yoga can be very risky for precisely this reason. I once swept up in to a headstand and, somehow, my lady parts took a deep breath. I literally felt the air sweep in there prompting an inward “uh-oh.” Sure enough, what goes up, must come down, meaning, not only my legs, but the air. Unfortunately, there were only three people (including me) besides the teacher in that yoga class, so I couldn’t look innocent and pass it off on someone else.They were all good enough to ignore it, but they knew. Oh, they knew.

So, why have I subjected you to a long discussion of vaginal belching? (Which my husband just reminded me has another name, but I like mine better.) Well, I decided to try Nuva Ring rather than going back on the Pill. I started it yesterday and I swear, for like, an hour afterward, my body was trying to expel that thing. It didn’t succeed, but it made a noise remarkably similar to the yoga class incident at times. It finally stopped, but between my Nuva Ring and my son’s loud, uncontrollable gas, our living room was very noisy for awhile.

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Semi-awkward parenting moment

September 2, 2009 at 5:31 am (Babies, Motherhood, Parenting)

I had forgotten that little boys can, well, seem “excited,” even when they are very young. I worked in a daycare once and changed other little boys’ diapers, so I did know this, but somehow, I never considered it in connection with my own son. However, I was confronted with it a couple of days ago. It didn’t shock me that much. I was just like, “Oh, yeah. I forgot that could happen,” and I went on changing the diaper. However, I was shocked a moment later when it suddenly seemed like his “excitement” had become way too prominent for a one-month-old. Turns out his mom sticks her pinky out when changing diapers instead of when drinking tea.

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Do not attempt this while sleep-deprived

August 31, 2009 at 3:47 am (Babies, Food, hairstyling, Motherhood, Sleep)

I burnt my shoulder with the hairdryer. Ouch. I don’t know how people stand it who get burns over large portions of their bodies when even a little one smarts so much. I guess they stand it because they have to.  My first post-baby alcoholic drink can’t come soon enough. For now, I will settle for ice cream with chocolate sauce.

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Crazy little thing called love

August 30, 2009 at 5:35 am (Babies, Breastfeeding, Motherhood)

How is it that I can simultaneously love my little boy so much I feel like I’ll explode from the force of it and somewhat resent having to drop everything every few hours and let him suckle on my boob for almost an hour? I’m quickly learning that you feel torn about almost everything to do with motherhood. I’d better get used to it. At least the utter adorableness and heartbreaking sweetness of my little man do a lot to make it worth it.

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Baby love

August 27, 2009 at 3:45 am (Babies, Motherhood)

No matter how tired and frustrated I am, all I have to do is take as little as five or ten minutes alone, and I miss my baby. The joy I feel when I look at his little face is amazing. I sit there crankily in the early morning or at night, waiting for my husband to bring him to me for nursing after changing his diaper (Yes, my husband is awesome.), and I see his sweet face and realize I’ve actually missed him while I was sleeping. It’s wild and wonderful and amazing.

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Mommy = 24-hour restaurant?

August 24, 2009 at 4:22 am (Babies, Breastfeeding, Food)

I feel like a heel when my son has already been eating for an hour, wants more (or maybe just wants to stay at the breast for comfort), and I have to take a break to go to the bathroom or stretch my legs or just because I’m tired of having someone suck milk out of me. I know these feelings are normal, but that certainly doesn’t make them any more pleasant. Or make me any less worried that my son is learning he can’t trust his mommy to be there for him whenever and however long he needs her.

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