The Home Stretch

This will be a short one today, since I already went to the doctor this morning (Everything looks great.) and endured another fasting glucose test. I’m wiped. Thank goodness that was the last fasting test.

The pregnancy is definitely more difficult these days. During the last week or so, my patience has been at a low ebb. Also, there are items on my to-do list that have resided there several months and I am ready to check them off!! I want to have the nursery done soon, as well as Max’s birthday party, so I can get into the final baby preparations. (At least there is a definite date for Max’s party.)

These days, I catch myself being oversensitive and nitpicky with Max. I remember this happening during the pregnancy with Lucy and during the postpartum time. I swore to myself that I would be more patient this time and I have been so far. But the last few weeks have seen me picking at him before I even know the words are coming out of my mouth. I’m not considering and choosing to be crabby or impatient. It’s just happening.

I know this is normal and I am probably not giving myself enough credit for the times I am patient and loving. However, Max has been cranky this week, too. I think he might be getting nervous about the new baby. He also might be feeding off of my mood. I honestly can’t tell most of the time if I am cranky because he is being difficult or he is being difficult, because I am cranky and impatient.

I feel like I did not handle him well after Lucy was born and I want so badly to be more patient and make more time for him this time. I treasure our bond and the fact that we have become so much closer the past year. My increasing cantankerousness has me worried for the postpartum time. I have to remember that I am a very conscientious person who learns from her mistakes and that the postpartum time with Lucy was generally a vast improvement over the postpartum time with Max. (Lots of physical pain with her, but the mental and emotional stress were much, much less than after Max’s birth.)

I just love my little boy so much and I never want to make him feel like he’s an annoyance. The fact is, though, he’s human and sometimes he is an annoyance. Also, I’m human and I’m going through what many consider the toughest part of pregnancy right now. Maybe my family is just having a hard time right now and we have to weather it just like every other hard time.

I just don’t want to spend the next six months snapping at him. I want to help him grow up and take responsibility for himself and his place in this family, but I don’t want to make him feel like he is screwing up constantly. We all want this baby girl so much. I want this to be the happy time our family deserves. I don’t expect it to be stress-free, but I don’t want the stress to overly diminish the joy.

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