Our Last Day of Normal

Today is the fifth anniversary of the day Chris and I found out we were going to be parents.

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A year ago today, it also became our last day of normal. November 4, 2012, was the last day before an X-ray showed Lucy’s heart was enlarged. She was diagnosed with dilated cardiomyopathy by the end of that day.

A year ago today, we took the kids out for frozen yogurt to celebrate the anniversary of those two pink lines.

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We had no idea our little girl was so sick. We had no idea how close to disaster we were. We had no idea that she would be dead in six months or that we would have lost her sooner if the doctor hadn’t listened to his gut and kept ordering tests instead of sending us home.

After the yogurt shop, we went to the grocery store. It was your typical Sunday afternoon at the store. It was incredibly crowded. I had an incredibly long list. I was going to cook EVERY NIGHT that week.

All of that food spoiled in the fridge during Lucy’s ten-day hospital stay.

The kids were tired and cranky. I remember Chris carrying Lucy in the Ergo. I remember rushing through the aisles trying to get everything and get out of there as fast as I could. I was so stressed.

Ha.

That night I was inexplicably worried about Lucy. I stood in the hallway outside of her room holding her. The lights were off in her room and I thought I saw a dark figure standing in her room. A year later, it seems it must have been my shadow, but it’s hard not to believe it was a sign of some sort considering the events of the next day.

We had no idea Lucy and I would be sleeping in a hospital 24 hours later. We had no idea that would be our family’s last night together for 10 days. We had no idea, as we worriedly noted her quick breaths in her crib that night, how quickly we were getting to the last one.

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2 Comments

  1. Shana Norris said,

    November 8, 2013 at 12:46 am

    Hi, Sara. I’m visiting from Mamalode. I just wanted to tell you that your writing is beautiful. You have a gift for conveying so much love and sorrow and strength in your words.

    • kittymomma said,

      November 8, 2013 at 4:05 pm

      Thank you, Shana. I saw your comment on the Mamalode site as well. I haven’t set up my account to comment on there yet, but I wanted you to know I noticed and appreciated both.


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