Limited by choices

I know this might sound really weird on the surface, but I hate the fact that the Pill is so fool-proof. At least, in my current situation.

I know that’s crazy. I know that, if it were to fail us, I would never feel safe again when I really wanted or needed it to work. And yet, at this point in my life, when I really want a baby, but I’m not 100% sure we’re completely ready … It seems to make it easy for people to give in to fear about not having a baby. Or to endlessly raise the bar as far as how much money they will need to feel secure before they have one, etc. I think the very fact that we can plan births so well is paralyzing for some of us. Plus, it takes a little of the mystery and serendipity out of the whole thing. When you know you want it, but are still just a little bit afraid to take the plunge, wouldn’t it be nice for it to just happen? Maybe that’s the baby-lust talking, but that’s how I’m feeling these days.

It used to be that people got married and they expected to have kids. Soon. Many of them wanted it that way. It seemed like a sign of success or that they were doing the right thing. However, there were many that felt trapped like that. They wanted to wait or they didn’t want to have a whole litter of them. They wanted more space between them. For them, family planning was a godsend.

Our society just does not seem to be good at synthesizing diverse ideas, especially when it comes to family. We’ve gotten a lot better, but in this case, it just seems like the pendulum has swung completely to the opposite side. Now, it’s the accepted thing to wait. It’s the smart thing to wait. And you’re afflicted with moonstruck madness if you actually choose to have a baby right after marriage. The experienced ones will nod wisely and say, “Wait. It’s so hard on your marriage. It’s just so hard being a parent.” Yes, all of that is true. It probably is easier if you wait a little while. But it’s always going to be hard no matter what. If you were in the relationship for over a year before you got married (Hence, getting plenty of “us” time.), you marry later in life (Hence, getting plenty of “me” time.), one or both of you has a career you like where you make good money, and you’re both out of school, why do you need to wait if you don’t want to? Why is waiting suddenly the right thing for everyone? When did it go from pitying glances at those who are still childless after a year or two of marriage to pitying glances at those who seem to get in to it too fast? Neither one is nice.

This is, of course, just my viewpoint. I’m not advocating that everyone rush out and get pregnant right after they get married. Everyone should do what is right for them. Which is exactly my point! If someone wants to wait, don’t bug them about having kids. If someone doesn’t want to wait, for pity’s sake, stop telling them, they should! No one should ever be made to feel crazy or guilty for either decision.

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