Awkward parenting dialogue

Me: I think the batteries are out in his (our son’s) monkey mobile. What kind does it take?

Husband: It takes wind-up batteries.

Me before I notice smirk spreading across husband’s face: Really? There’s such a thing as wind-up batteries … ooookay. I get it. (In pitiful tone.) Don’t make fun of me like that. (Thinking in not-so-pitiful tone.) The postpartum reunion just got postponed indefinitely, smart ass.


I could not sleep all night on Saturday. At first, I thought I couldn’t sleep because my husband had the gall to fall asleep while I had to stay up nursing and I got really, really mad at him. However, I realized even I couldn’t get mad enough to stay awake for hours when I am exhausted from caring for a newborn. Then, I remembered it. The English Teatime I had consumed with my mother after 9 p.m. Normally, I would never do that, but I was so exhausted that I was certain it would never be able to keep me awake. I am here to tell you that it did. I was awake all night Saturday, not because my baby was awake (He slept like an angel, of course. A snorting, snuffling, sighing, farting angel, but an angel nonetheless.), but because I consumed too much caffeine too late at night. Is there such a thing as too much caffeine in a new mom’s world? I’m afraid so, especially when you chase it with a bowl of Bluebell Homemade Vanilla and Hershey’s syrup.

Baby cute

My husband asked me to post a cute, innocuous entry, because he wants to tell his sisters about my blog and he was afraid they would wonder why he wanted them to look at it right after my last, rather explicit, post. I probably do need a post where I don’t talk about bodily functions, but, as I’m sure many of you know, you spend most of your time dealing with those as a new mom, so they are always on your mind.

However, the second thing foremost on my mind is how cute my baby is and now much I adore him. He is, quite simply, the cutest baby ever. Despite the fact that he has all of my facial features and yet still manages to look like my husband. Which everyone points out. My husband is very handsome, but I carried the baby for forty-one and a half weeks and spent 12 hours birthing him. And he has MY features!! Grrr.

Adventures in postpartum birth control

A lot of people (namely men) probably don’t know this, but vaginas can belch. I don’t know of a better word to describe it. It’s different from passing gas, because you aren’t. I can personally attest to the fact that inversions in yoga can be very risky for precisely this reason. I once swept up in to a headstand and, somehow, my lady parts took a deep breath. I literally felt the air sweep in there prompting an inward “uh-oh.” Sure enough, what goes up, must come down, meaning, not only my legs, but the air. Unfortunately, there were only three people (including me) besides the teacher in that yoga class, so I couldn’t look innocent and pass it off on someone else.They were all good enough to ignore it, but they knew. Oh, they knew.

So, why have I subjected you to a long discussion of vaginal belching? (Which my husband just reminded me has another name, but I like mine better.) Well, I decided to try Nuva Ring rather than going back on the Pill. I started it yesterday and I swear, for like, an hour afterward, my body was trying to expel that thing. It didn’t succeed, but it made a noise remarkably similar to the yoga class incident at times. It finally stopped, but between my Nuva Ring and my son’s loud, uncontrollable gas, our living room was very noisy for awhile.

Bless you

I found out today that my husband actually had some doubt as to whether I would eat food with cat snot on it. He seemed to think I might, if I was hungry enough. Just to set the record straight, I have never been THAT hungry. Now I wonder what kind of man I married, since he was apparently willing to marry someone he thought could maybe, possibly, eat cat snot.

Semi-awkward parenting moment

I had forgotten that little boys can, well, seem “excited,” even when they are very young. I worked in a daycare once and changed other little boys’ diapers, so I did know this, but somehow, I never considered it in connection with my own son. However, I was confronted with it a couple of days ago. It didn’t shock me that much. I was just like, “Oh, yeah. I forgot that could happen,” and I went on changing the diaper. However, I was shocked a moment later when it suddenly seemed like his “excitement” had become way too prominent for a one-month-old. Turns out his mom sticks her pinky out when changing diapers instead of when drinking tea.

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